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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23544175">Perfectly Normal, Thank You Very Much</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontwatchmechange/pseuds/dontwatchmechange'>dontwatchmechange</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Post Deathly Hallows</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:08:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,072</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23544175</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontwatchmechange/pseuds/dontwatchmechange</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ron and Hermione go to Australia to fix her parents' memories, but Hermione didn't tell them much in the first place.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Perfectly Normal, Thank You Very Much</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"This is the place," said Hermione with complete confidence, checking Ron out of habit for Apparition wounds.</p>
<p>"Merlin, Hermione, we only Apparated from the airport. I'm fine." He brushed off a bit of his sweater that had been severed in the move.</p>
<p>"They'll be dying to meet you again." Hermione approached the door of the suburban palace cautiously. "It's been, what, six years?"</p>
<p>"They don't remember me," said Ron. "They don't even remember you."</p>
<p>"I told you, Ron, I've only modified their memories, not Obliviated them completely. I can undo it." She frowned at the exterior of the home. "It's a shame I didn't turn them into the sort of people who leave their windows open."</p>
<p>Ron knocked on the door.</p>
<p>"Ron!"</p>
<p>"Well, we came all this way, you had to knock sometime."</p>
<p>Hermione's mother, whose papers, effects, and memories all indicated that her name was Monica Wilkins, answered the door. "Awfully late in the evening to be canvassing, don't you think?"</p>
<p>Hermione pointed her wand, and slowly, Mrs. Granger's memories started to come back. "Oh, God. Hermione. How could I forget?"</p>
<p>"You were under some protective magic," explained Hermione. "Go get Dad and I'll explain."</p>
<p>"Come in, come in," said a truly confused Mrs. Granger.</p>
<p>"Who's there, Monica?" asked Mr. Granger, under the delusion that his name was Wendell, from a seat in the living room.</p>
<p>Hermione pointed again, and Mr. Granger's memories reassembled. "My God. What happened?"</p>
<p>"You were in danger. I put you in a sort of witness protection. You're safe to come home now."</p>
<p>"You wiped our memories?"</p>
<p>"You wouldn't have been safe," said Ron. "They had dark magic you couldn't even imagine."</p>
<p>"What do you mean, dark magic?" asked Mr. Granger.</p>
<p>Ron turned to Hermione. "I thought their memories were back."</p>
<p>"Only what I told them in the first place," she hissed.</p>
<p>"What did you tell them?"</p>
<p>"Er. They know I'm a witch and I go to Hogwarts. They know I'm a very good student. They know I have two best friends named Harry and Ron and they know I'm not allowed to do magic over the holidays."</p>
<p>"Hermione, that's the bare minimum."</p>
<p>"Exactly. Can you imagine if I'd told them the truth all these years? They'd never have let me go back from the minute I fell into the Devil's Snare. When I put it like that, it sounds worse than it is," said Hermione to her parents.</p>
<p>"You're serving the devil?"</p>
<p>"Quite the opposite," said Hermione. "I was… oh, where do I even begin. There was Wizard Hitler. This eugenicist who took over the Ministry and wanted to kill all the wizards with Muggle parents.”</p>
<p>“Who’s Hitler?” asked Ron, to the utter dismay of Hermione’s parents.</p>
<p>“A Muggle Voldemort in the 1940s. Racism isn’t unique to wizards. Anyway. His name was Voldemort. Harry killed him yesterday.”</p>
<p>“Your friend Harry?” repeated Mrs. Granger.</p>
<p>“My friend Harry, yes. There was a prophecy, it had to be him. Ron and I helped.”</p>
<p>“Why did you get involved?”</p>
<p>“First of all, I was Harry Potter’s best friend. I was the most wanted Muggle-born in the known universe. I couldn’t just stay at school.”</p>
<p>“You didn’t stay in school?”</p>
<p>“Oh, my God,” said Hermione, “I knew you’d get hung up on that. I killed wizard Hitler, surely that’s enough for you.”</p>
<p>“Have you been in danger these last seven years?”</p>
<p>Hermione thought back. “I can’t remember a time I wasn’t in danger these last seven years.”</p>
<p>“Tell us everything. Now.”</p>
<p>“That’s a long story,” said Ron.</p>
<p>“Both of you. Start with this Devil’s Snare business.”</p>
<p>“Well, Voldemort was trying to get the Philosopher’s Stone…”</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>“Chess with living pieces? Ron, you could’ve died when it knocked you out.”</p>
<p>“That was a risk I had to take,” said Ron solemnly.</p>
<p>“You children are insane.”</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>“Well, I’d imagine you’d have been scared,” said Hermione’s mother sympathetically.</p>
<p>“No, I wasn’t scared, I was Petrified. Literally. Paralyzed. Put in a coma.”</p>
<p>“How’d they get you back?”</p>
<p>“Oh, it was pretty easy, actually. Just a simple potion.”</p>
<p>“Took them, like, a month, though,” said Ron.</p>
<p>“Why are you making everything sound so terrible?” asked Hermione bitterly.</p>
<p>“Because it was!” said Ron. “My sister was terrorizing the school against her will and I didn’t have my best friend to help me through it!”</p>
<p>Hermione’s parents stared blankly.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>“If you had the time machine-”</p>
<p>“Time-Turner, yeah.”</p>
<p>“Couldn’t you just go back in time and kill baby Voldemort? Or baby Hitler?”</p>
<p>“It’s actually a linear model of time travel,” said Ron, “in which events that are caused by the time travel already happen the first time ‘round.”</p>
<p>Hermione grinned in spite of the situation. “What do you know of Muggle theories of time travel, Ron?”</p>
<p>“Harry and I used to talk about it before we knew it was real.”</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>“So wizards can come back to life?”</p>
<p>“Only if they have Horcruxes, which are these dark artifacts that get created when you kill someone.”</p>
<p>“So there’s magical incentive to murder.”</p>
<p>“No one sane would want to live forever. Even Nicolas Flamel gave it up six hundred years in.”</p>
<p>“Nicolas Flamel was real, too?”</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>“You should’ve known that was a trick. Voldemort planted that idea in Harry’s mind just so you’d go running right into his trap.”</p>
<p>“We were children.”</p>
<p>“You still are!”</p>
<p>“No, we’re adults now. We come of age at seventeen.”</p>
<p>“Plus we’ve done a lot of adult stuff,” said Ron, gesturing to himself and Hermione.</p>
<p>“Like killing dictators,” she said quickly.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>“Dumbledore’s dead?” asked Mrs. Granger.</p>
<p>“Yeah, that was the turning point,” said Ron. “The bad guys took over Hogwarts, and we knew it wasn’t safe to stay anymore. We’d basically been on the run ever since.”</p>
<p>“I really thought that man could do anything,” said Mr. Granger. “You always described him that way.”</p>
<p>“Heroes fall,” said Hermione.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>“You stole a dragon from the most secure bank in the world.”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“Huh.”</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>“What I’ve concluded,” said Mrs. Granger, “is that you need to go back to that school.”</p>
<p>“What?” asked Hermione.</p>
<p>“You need your degree,” said Mr. Granger. “You’re never going to get a job if you don’t have one.”</p>
<p>“And more importantly,” said Mrs. Granger, “you need some adult supervision.”</p>
<p>“I don’t even know if they’ll let me back in.”</p>
<p>“You killed Wizard Hitler,” said Mrs. Granger. “If they don’t let you back in on full scholarship, you just let us know, and we’ll give them hell.”</p>
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